What if I Said
by TheMusicLives
Summary: Spending an evening in each other's company may feel like 'Old Times,' but Blair and Chuck aren't sure they want to go back - A COMPANION PIECE to "Tell Him," so read that first. Post 209; Two-shot; CB; SPOILER-FREE.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I got a request for this and it just came out. Again. What have CB done to me to make me unable to stop writing about them this season? Who knows, who cares... it's just so damn fun to be inspired again that I'll _take it._

This is a **companion piece** to "Tell Him," so _read that first_ in order to get the whole feel of things. This will be two parts; first half is Blair's perspective, second half will pick up from where the first half left off and will be Chuck's perspective. Hopefully my surge of inspiration will allow me to get it to you soon, but we shall see. I hope you enjoy this because I think I'm emotionally _bleeding_ from writing it. (This is un-beta'd, BTW.)

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl's Blair Waldorf or Chuck Bass; they just make me take them out to play every once in awhile.

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What if I Said

(Part I)

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It had been a long night for Blair.

By the time she and Chuck made it back to the Palace and Emma was back with her mother, Blair wanted nothing but to go home.

She'd told Serena she'd spend the night with her, so that led to a very quiet elevator ride with Chuck and then a nervous dash to Serena's room before he could decide to break the silence. Luckily it hadn't been long before her friend showed up, telling tales of Jenny's trashy attempt to get attention, and Blair finally started to relax.

Soon they were laughing like the entire night had been a breeze, hanging out without a care in the world.

Blair was entirely grateful for this time with her best friend until Serena mentioned Chuck; since he _was_ a part of their night, the mention of him shouldn't have surprised her the way it did. Her friend's words were coy, hinting about how civil Blair and Chuck had been to each other, how well they got along, how cooperative Chuck had been in helping find Emma…

Her memories of the night flashed through her mind recounting every single time his eyes fell on her and the words he had spoken, most of them tinged with entirely too intimate a tone; it was too much right now.

The night hadn't just been long... it had been completely _exhausting_; the energy it had taken to keep up the 'friends act' with Chuck was suddenly catching up with her.

Choking past the crushing sensation in her chest, she thought she put on a great show of suddenly being tired while Serena eyed her warily. When the blonde tossed her a nightgown to sleep in and went in search of water, Blair changed quickly before sitting on the bed.

She was hugging herself, trying to bypass the pain she was feeling and stop the tears welling to her eyes when she heard the soft knock on the door.

"It's not like we haven't changed in front of each other before, S." She rolled her eyes, "Come in."

"While that's true…" Blair jumped, bracing her hands on the bed when she heard his soft voice, "I'm sure you weren't expecting me."

Watching in silence as he strode into the room, Blair was relieved when he didn't close the door completely behind him; she didn't think she would have been able to breathe if he had.

She could have taken the bait, bantered with him about his lewd comment and dragged out getting to the real reason he'd knocked on the door, but she truly _was_ tired. Not just from the night, but from the mess her relationship with Chuck had become; dealing with the unspoken words and the tension between them had her drained her of fight.

The war had raged and now all that was left was broken pieces of the Blair she used to be _before_ Chuck ever touched her; pieces that needed him to be whole again.

When he sat down next to her on the bed, she snapped from her introspective stupor, asking quietly, "What is it, Chuck?" Looking into his eyes, he didn't seem surprised that she hadn't taken the chance to argue with him, just resigned; like he just might be as tired as she is.

He took her hand in his, fiddling with it before replying, "I didn't say goodnight."

The defeated tone of his voice echoed through her, making it hard to breathe it was so depressing; this wasn't Chuck Bass, not even the Chuck he'd been when he was hers.

They had to fix this somehow.

"No, you didn't," she replied guardedly, "But is that really why you're here?"

Chuck sighed, "I guess not, I just…" He brushed a lock of hair from her face as she continued, "I wanted to thank you for tonight. It felt like…"

"Old times," she guessed, scoffing sarcastically.

"Yeah."

Her heart felt heavy in her chest. The thought of going back to those 'old times,' to before Chuck and Blair were anything but partners in crime…

It broke the gates on her emotional restraint.

"What if…" She started, feeling the tears pooling up in her eyes as she struggled to get the words out, "What if I don't _want_ to go back to before?"

His eyes turned darkly sad, "Blair, we agreed…"

"No, Chuck…" She stopped fighting the tears, allowing the drops to cascade down her cheeks, "I can't do this! It's too hard!"

She was hanging her head when she felt his free hand caressing her jaw, tilting her head back up to meet his eyes. Slowly, he leaned forward, her heart hammering a mile a minute until his lips kissed the trail her tears left on one cheek.

Why couldn't he have just kissed her? Made it all better? That's all she wanted. She wanted him, but he was withholding.

When her eyes met his again, she was ready to yell, to argue… until he said six words:

"I don't want to lose you."

Tears were flowing freely down her face, falling harder with every breath she took. His hand was still gripping hers, keeping her there in reality when all she really wanted was the Fairy Tale.

The quick fix.

"What if I promise you won't?" She asked, brokenly.

The eyes boring into hers grew glassy, "You shouldn't make promises you can't keep."

She lifted her free hand to his cheek and he leaned in again, kissing her softly. Her lips parted, inviting him in, but he didn't attempt to deepen the kiss; it left her heart feeling as hollow as her mouth stayed.

When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against hers for a moment before saying, "Goodnight, Blair."

Standing, Chuck backed away from her slowly until their joined hands fell when the distance became too large to hold on.

Then he turned and walked out before she could even whisper goodnight in return.

Now bawling openly, she flopped back on the bed unceremoniously; by the time she finally started to calm down to silent tears, she didn't hear Serena enter because she was so despondent.

It was when her friend laid down beside her and took her in her arms that Blair started sobbing again.

Eventually she was sat up by Serena and handed a bottle of water when she stopped the heavy crying. The water felt cool and heavenly on her abused throat.

That was when the inquisition started.

"Tell me what happened, sweetie."

Casting her eyes downward, she replied, "I really don't feel like talking, S."

"But you obviously need to," Serena chided, threading a few of the brunette locks behind Blair's ear.

Thinking about where she could possibly start, Blair started to shake her head, the never-ending tears beginning to fall again as Serena sighed, "Why don't you start by telling me how you and Chuck left things the other night?"

Suddenly Blair was alert again, her eyes slamming into Serena's as the blonde continued, "You mentioned he showed up at your place, but not what happened."

Blair admittedly never gave her friend much credit in the brain cell department, but this was a monumental discovery on Serena's part; "How did you know…"

The blonde's cheeks were tinged with pink, "I stood outside the door while you two were talking."

Taking a second to thank God that at least _something_ was still right with the world, Blair whimpered, "Nothing happened that night… and nothing's going to happen."

"Why?" Serena's brow furrowed in confusion, "You obviously love each other…"

Blair scoffed, wishing it was Chuck getting these questions; it was hard to know how to explain this to a third party when Blair didn't quite totally understand it _herself_.

Then the answer came to her: "Because it'll only be a matter of time before we mess things up…"

Serena looked at her disappointedly, "Blair…"

"If that happened, I'd lose him _completely_," a few tears spilled from Blair's eyes and over her cheeks, "No matter how much it hurts, _anything's_ better than that." Now if only she believed that herself.

If she did, maybe it wouldn't feel like she was losing him every time he left the room.

Serena thought for a moment before asking, "Were you talking about the same _nothing_ just now?"

Blair nodded solemnly, hoping that her friend's insight might just give her an idea of how to _fix_ this.

"So you've agreed to stay apart, yet you keep getting together to talk about staying apart?"

Sighing disappointedly, Blair replied, "Sounds silly when you say it like that, but, yes. I guess." It didn't sound like Serena had any more of an understanding than Blair did.

"Huh," Serena said as her eyebrows rose doubtfully.

Great, her friend didn't believe her. "It's for the best, S," Blair sighed woefully.

She felt her friend's hand on her arm as Serena spoke, "I doubt that. If this is what you want, why are you so miserable?"

Blair released an exasperated sigh, "I told you…"

"That doesn't mean it makes sense, B."

Which was _only_ Blair's point, yet Chuck still refused to back down from this whole 'waiting' thing.

Not understanding was really starting to annoy her.

"Since when are you the expert?" She snapped at her friend, "You've only been in one relationship and _it failed_."

Sure, it was a cruel slur, but the whole situation was frustrating and Serena was an easy target.

If her friend rose to the bait then maybe she'd drop the subject.

Serena answered understandingly; "While I don't doubt that Dan loved me, he _never_ looked at me the way I just saw Chuck looking at you."

Blair's heart stopped in her chest for a moment, "How was he looking at me?" Her voice sounded soft and vulnerable, which she hated, but could do nothing about; she was breathless at what Serena could tell her about what she'd seen.

Taking Blair's hand, the blonde interjected, "Like he'd do anything to keep from hurting you, even if it meant hurting himself. He's so in love with you, B…"

The idea that Chuck's feelings were so plain on his face that Serena could see them made her heart start again, but she still ripped her hand from Serena's grasp. "You think I'm enjoying this?! It was him, pointing out how we could never be a normal couple that brought us here."

She wanted to slap Serena when she laughed then_ scoffed _at Blair's words.

There was nothing funny about the pain Blair was in.

"I don't know where he got that;" Serena finally replied, "I spent the whole evening with the both of you and the only people who _don't_ know you're a couple are you two."

Blair's stomach fluttered in hope at her friends words. "Stop it," Blair commanded, not sure whether she was speaking to her friend or the butterflies.

"I'm serious," the blonde insisted, "You should have seen yourself freaking out, how jealous you were about Emma hitting on him. And then, when he explained what happened, you were so relieved. Relieved; the way you would have been if he was your boyfriend."

Chuck Bass: Blair Waldorf's _Boyfriend_.

The butterfly wings were beating harder inside her abdomen even though Blair herself felt like sinking into the mattress to escape. Any optimism she felt now would leave her internal organs bruised later when the butterflies had flapped their wings as hard as they could in happiness and then died when the hope did.

It was all too painful a prospect.

"Like I said," Blair responded, her voice barely audible, "It was Chuck who decided that I wasn't worth taking the risk with. You should be lecturing him."

"No, _you_ should be," Serena insisted, grabbing her shoulders with both hands, "He's just scared; a relationship virgin. Let himknow that _you're_ willing to take a chance on _him_."

The flutters in her stomach doubled; it figures that hers would be capable of multiplying faster than anything should.

No one should be able to hold as much hope and fear in the same place as Blair was apparently able to. It just wasn't healthy.

Her voice was scratchy with nerves, "But… what if he's right and we _do_ self destruct?"

"If that does happen, which I doubt it will," Serena stated, "Then at least you've done everything you can instead of being a scaredy-cat, avoiding the way you feel about each other. It won't make the feelings go away if you ignore them. It only makes the pain worse…" Serena took a deep breath, "Trust me."

Tilting her head to the side, Blair suddenly understood; "You and Dan did a fine job of messing things up, so _I guess_ you're speaking from experience."

Her friend squeezed Blair's shoulders a little tighter and asked through gritted teeth, "You're hurting, right?"

As she touched a spot on Serena's shirt that was still soaked with tears, Blair almost felt sorry for the jab.

Almost.

"I think you know the answer," she admitted, defeated.

Her friend's eyes brightened, "Why does it hurt, B?"

"Because…" Blair paused to sigh, knowing that it shouldn't be this hard to say it, to tell her _best friend_. Admitting it to Emma had been one thing; Emma only knew Chuck's reputation, not the actual person behind it.

Plus, telling Serena would make all this real. Even more real that it'd felt when Dan put the pieces together.

"I…" Blair stuttered slightly before stating simply, "I love him, S."

There.

She waited for the heavy invisible object on her chest to lift, but it didn't. There was still a kind of relief, though; the pain was still there, but at least she'd finally told someone.

Her friend hugged her tightly, saying firmly, "Go tell him that and keep telling him that until he returns it. That's the only way either of you will find any peace."

Wait, tell _him_?! And make _him_ say it back?!

It sounded so impossible.

"While I do adore a challenge," Blair spoke skeptically, pulling out of Serena's embrace, "I don't recommend you holding your breath."

The blonde smiled encouragingly, "It'll be easier than you think, B."

"I'm glad you're so certain."

It was a terrifying idea, yet Serena made it sound so simple.

Just tell him.

Just like that.

Serena stood and pulled Blair to her feet, "You can get through to him… You've always been able to." Then she grinned widely, "Now, go get your man!"

Really, how cheerful was one person allowed to be? "My own personal cheerleader how quaint," Blair replied.

At her friend's firm expression, she gave in. "Okay, I'm going."

Taking it each step at a time, willing her frozen limbs to move, Blair made it across the room and out Serena's door, pulling it shut behind her.

She didn't need Serena following to shout 'go Blair, go' through Chuck's door.

If he even let her in.

Oh, shit.

Raising her arm slowly, she knocked three times and wished for the ground to swallow her whole.

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**A/N:** Well, I hope this makes sense -slash- isn't redundant of me. Please me know what you think! Future possible companion pieces depend on you!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Well, it took me FOREVER to get this to you, but I finally felt like I could write it. A much as I wish it weren't so, the show does impact my ability to write certain emotions... and CB has had me down in the dumps for some time now. No matter how much I love them, it was really hard to write this without letting all the changes they've faced since 209 affect my viewpoint. I hope this works for you all that have been waiting so patiently. Thank you **all **for your **amazing** reviews. Please enjoy.

This is a **companion piece** to "Tell Him," so _read that first_ in order to get the whole feel of things. This will be two parts; first half is Blair's perspective, second half will pick up from where the first half left off and will be Chuck's perspective. Hopefully my surge of inspiration will allow me to get it to you soon, but we shall see. I hope you enjoy this because I think I'm emotionally _bleeding_ from writing it. (This is un-beta'd, BTW.)

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl's Blair Waldorf or Chuck Bass; they just make me take them out to play every once in awhile.**

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What if I Said

(Part II)

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Chuck had fled his step-sister's room and shut himself safely in his own before wiping the _imaginary_ tear from his cheek.

It _had_ to be imaginary.

Chuck Bass _doesn't_ cry.

Not even for Blair Waldorf.

Leaning against the door of his room, his mind's eye replayed the devastated look on her face as he watched her cry, practically pleading with him to change his mind. It was so hard for him to just _sit there_ and keep his distance. It was all he could do to not take her in his arms…

There were so many times since they began this will-they-or-won't-they game that he thought she didn't care. In the agonizing moments when she'd gone back to Nathaniel or Marcus, he'd wished that she would show him _something_ of what she felt so that he could know he wasn't the only one.

Now that she couldn't seem to stop crying in front of him, staring at him with eyes that told him just how much this whole thing was hurting her, he wanted to be ignorant again. He'd been the one to point out the scruples in their circumstances, it was him pulling away to _save_ them from themselves, so her tears just now were _his_ fault.

It made him want to stop caring about _her_, about how _she_ was feeling.

Because causing her that much pain was tearing _him_ apart.

And making him _cry_, apparently.

Dammit.

Then again, if he'd been strong enough to fight the urge to talk to her, to end the night on a note other than a silent elevator ride and her subsequent mad dash to anywhere far from him, there would've been no tears. At least none that he would've seen.

He could've just gone to bed, drunk himself into a deep enough stupor to forget that there were six feet between the door to where she was and his own. Then Blair and his step-sister could just have their girls' night.

But _no_.

He couldn't sleep on it when there'd been such a discomfort between them; he wanted her to know how he enjoyed the time he'd spent with her. He'd needed to talk to her for _his own_ peace of mind and that conversation had caused her to cry.

Again.

Why was this so damn hard? They just needed to _stay away_ from each other and they couldn't even manage to do _that._

He didn't know what else they _could_ do, where this thing between them was supposed to go from here, and there was no way he'd take a chance on going some uncharted place unless he figured out the direction first. It was no secret that he'd screwed up multiple times, but that didn't mean that he _had_ to make the same mistakes again; missteps that showed just how lost he was in the relationship game only made her _regret_ taking them.

He didn't _want_ to screw this up and he was going to make sure he wouldn't _before_ getting her hopes up. He couldn't stand the thought of disappointing her again, of chickening out again, or of ruining her again. He'd run out of methods to repair the damage if any of that happened, therefore he'd certainly _lose_ her.

Somehow _that_ had become his biggest fear.

He'd gone so long on his own, without another person caring what he did, that he wasn't willing to continue failing the one person who _did_ feel for him. And he was certain she'd run when he messed up again. Even if she loved him, a person can only take so many hits before they defend themselves by running.

And that was _if_ she actually loved him.

The night they'd decided to wait to become _Chuck and Blair_, he'd inferred that _he_ loved her… that _they _loved each other. The romantic in him, that part that he preferred to forget existed, wanted to believe that she felt the same since she didn't deny it. He couldn't be sure, though.

No matter how many tears she'd shed, he needed the words just as much as she did; he needed to be sure.

Just as Chuck was about to push himself away the door he was leaning against, there were three taps against the wood. A knock gentle enough to sound timid, yet with enough volume to make the arrival of someone difficult to ignore.

Sure enough, there was another hesitant knock a moment later.

And there was no doubt to who it could be.

Breathing in deeply, he backed away from the door and turned the handle to open it. Chuck invited Blair by waving his hand, and without meeting her eyes, then closed the door behind her while steeling himself for the dejected look that should _never_ be seen in this particular woman's eyes.

When he finally did lift his eyes to meet her own, his relief at seeing her indignant expression was tangible. Gone was the wilting flower he'd left in Serena's room; standing in her place was the Blair that accepts nothing other than her own will, the one that didn't take no for an answer.

Her hands were on her hips and her slightly puffy eyes were fixing him with an annoyed stare. "What took you so long?" she asked in irritation.

He just walked over to his bed to sit down, gesturing to the bed next to him for her to sit.

She stayed on her feet, looking down at him with disdain. "Are you incapable of speech now?"

"I wasn't expecting anyone..." he sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "We've already said goodnight."

It was a weak start, and he knew it. She'd caught him off guard, come to him in a moment where he'd been allowing himself to acknowledge how much he wished things were different, that _they_ were normal. He'd lowered his guard briefly, let himself face her pain and accept that it was a mirror image of his own.

And all that vulnerable moment did was leave him wanting to fix this.

If she wouldn't let him drop the subject, then he didn't know how long he could resist her.

"No, _you_ said goodnight, Chuck..." her voice trailed off softly as she approached him, sat down next to him, carefully avoided touching him, "The night's not quite over, yet." Deep brown eyes were steady on his, kinder than a moment before but still unwavering in their determination to finish their earlier conversation. "Not for me, anyway."

He now found himself wishing she'd stayed away from him tonight.

This woman, the one that was his equal in every game they played, the one that fought for what she wanted, now wanted _him_. Her stubborn nature was one of the things about her that had made her irresistible that first night and every night since; the fire that fascinated him and pulled him to her, even when he knew better than to heed its call, was now beckoning to him to let her have her way.

Even if listening to what she had to say was to his detriment, she deserved to say her piece; he owed her _at least_ that much if he couldn't give her all she merited and more.

So he relented with a sweeping gesture of his hand. "Then end it, Blair."

Her eyes widened slightly, almost as if she couldn't believe he'd given up so easily. It seemed he'd caught her off guard this time.

After a few seconds of silence, she took his hand and spoke softly, "I don't want to play this game anymore, Chuck."

"It's not a game, Blair..." he replied, and attempted to pull his hand from her warm one.

She gripped it tighter, staring up at him with hard eyes. "Yes, it is. This is the 'Chuck Bass has no idea what the hell he's doing so we're gonna wait forever until he figures it out' game."

He breathed to control the undignified groan he wanted to give voice to, swiping his free hand through his tousled hair. "Don't be ridiculous..."

Cutting him off, she ranted, "You can't _stand_ it that you don't _really_ know everything, that you're lost and you're scared of making a mistake..."

Hadn't they been over this already?

"Blair, I _have _made mistakes. That's why I'm trying not to..."

"Bullshit," she spat.

Flabbergasted at her use of language, he gasped, "Excuse me?" He saw the slight victory reflected in her eyes at his surprise and knew she had him cornered. She'd knocked him off of his righteous reasons for keeping her at arms length and flat onto his ass.

"You're lying to yourself, Chuck, and you're lying to me and I'm just trying to get a _little_ honesty here." She took a breath, but he didn't try to stop her this time. "I know you're _scared; _you're scared of me and of how you feel about me. Right now your plan is to string me along, thinking it'll get better eventually... and eventually you'll decide it's too hard."

She sighed and gazed at him with wide, honest eyes."Then I'll be right back to where I started, heartbroken. And that's what _I'm _afraid of."

Crossing her legs to angle her body towards his, she dusted the fingertips of her free hands lightly down his jaw. "I don't want to play this game anymore, Bass," she reiterated with a soft smile, "I just want you."

As the flutters drummed in his stomach, he had to admit something: she was damn good. The woman had a future as a lawyer if she wanted it; no jury could ever say no to her.

Right now she had him warring with his instinct to survive her by pushing her away. The one thing he could always count on was detachment. Until she came along and caused him to see how good caring could be, he'd been a free-agent.

And now here she was, offering herself to him to free them both.

Cautiously, he turned his hand in the grip she still held it in, and threaded his fingers through hers. "What do you suggest we do?"

He watched as she glanced down at their hands, then met his eyes again to answer him: "What you suggested _I_ do. End it."

That was unexpected.

"End what?" he asked before adding softly, "We're nothing." Watching her carefully, he saw her eyes close at that last word... like it pained her just to hear it.

She took a second to breath before responding in a quiet voice, "Not end _us_... end the game."

"Even if we knew how..." he trailed off, not quite sure if asking _would it work_ was something he could get slapped for right now. She was trying so very hard, putting so much of herself out there to change his mind.

And it was working.

Almost.

"It would be over if I said…" her voice cracked slightly, in a way that tore at his heart, but she spoke through it with determination, "if I said those three words, right?"

He wanted to say yes, wanted it to be true, but he couldn't even bring himself to nod. As much as he wanted her, needed her, _loved her_, he wouldn't coerce her into saying it; he'd had his chance and blown it because of games like that.

But he still waited on baited breath for her to give in...

To take the first step...

To tell him he wasn't alone.

They sat there in silence, her eyes brimming with tears, his heart stopped dead as he watched one of her tears escape and her lips move.

"Then Game Over, Chuck."

Leaning towards him, she breathed against his lips, "I love you... I _love_ you.... _I_ _love_ _you, Chuck_."

The words washed over him, drenching his broken soul in the healing power they held.

He finally knew what it meant to be loved.

Someone loved him.

_Blair_ loved him.

The shock lasted a moment before he wrapped an arm around her waist, crushing her chest to his, and claimed her lips with his own. She tasted like dark chocolate, sweet and decadent and taboo...

But she was no longer forbidden.

Never again would she belong to another; those eight little letters meant her heart belonged to him.

With his arms around her, he dragged their mouths apart and pressed his cheek to hers. She whimpered softly as he breathed once, twice, three times... and gave her _his_ heart.

"I love _you_, Blair."

Her head dropped to his shoulder and her torso shook slightly as warm moisture soaked through his shirt, dampening his skin.

This time, he didn't mind being the reason for her tears.

After sitting there for a few minutes, holding Blair while she cried softly against his chest, he felt her delicate fingers unfastening the buttons on his shirt.

It was time to find out if all that hype about make-up sex was true.

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A while later Chuck was lying next to Blair, their bodies skin to skin under the blanket on his bed, contemplating just how much things could change when she woke up. She'd been right when she said he had no idea what to do after they'd exchanged _I love you's _and he would be lying to himself if he didn't admit he was scared to screw up. Life was going to be different, that was certain, but he had a feeling a lot would stay the same.

He'd still be Chuck and she'd still be Blair, but they'd be together.

He was just settling on how perfect that word _together _felt rolling around in his mind when he heard the door open softly. He had no doubt it was Serena, he'd been wondering how long it would be before she checked on Blair, so he just watched Blair sleep and waited for his step-sister to leave. He didn't have to wait long.

Suddenly Blair shifted her head to rest on his chest, wrapping her arm around his waist in her sleep. Kissing her hair softly, he let the feeling of this moment, the perfect fit of her body against his, sink in.

Now that all was said and done, now that all the _what if's_ were pushed aside for _what will be's_, one thing was for sure:

He'd been right.

Even fighting together, trying to postpone that certainty, they'd been powerless to fight their fate.

They really were _inevitable_.

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_What if I told you, what if I said that 'I love you?'  
How would you feel, what would you think, what would we do?  
Do we dare to cross that line between your heart and mine?  
Would I lose a friend or find a love that would never end?_

_What if I said?_

_

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_**A/N:** I hope I did it justice... and that it's what you all were hoping it could be. Please let me know what you thought.


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